Wednesday, October 17, 2012

from the mouths of babes...

so let me tell you about yesterday.

Yesterday was a "long" town day, a chemo day for my mom. We drop her off and then stay in town all day long (yesterday was 9:30 -5:00).  Also, Jonny was sick, had had ear aches for two nights and then started a fever.  On the way to town I called the pediatrician to get an appointment and was given one for 3:45!  Uck, not only going around all day with a sick kid, but now I'm going to be on the other side of the city when it was time to pick up mom.  I decided instead to try the MedExpress walk-in clinic.
Success!  In and out, examined, diagnosed, and prescriptions in hand in under 30 minutes.  Then I tried to call the pediatrician to cancel the afternoon appointment.  Ha.  Stayed on hold for 6 minutes and never got through.  Drove to the pharmacy to get Jonny's prescription filled, tried to call again.  This time on hold for 5 minutes, still not getting through.  Went into the pharmacy. First day of a brand new system.  It took 6-8 minutes per person for them to wait on the two people ahead of me. Finally our turn, Had to enter everything into the system, it kept spitting bits of info back out.  Finally got the script in and "started" our wait (after having been in there for 20 minutes already!).
Now comes the chorus of , "can we get bubble gum?" and, "I want jelly beans!" and, "Mom, can I go look at  ____?"
"NO!  NO you may not, you may all go sit down over there!"

and so they did. And then they started to play rock, paper, scissors. "Rock, paper, scissors, Shoot!"  "Rock, Paper, Scissors, SHOOT!"    "ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS, SHOOT!"

Oh my goodness!  be quiet, Be Quiet, BE QUIET!

Finally they called my name, I go up to counter and the lady says, "ok, they will mix it up, it will be just a moment."   My head is spinning... why did you call my name if it's not actually ready???
And then trying to check out, remember, new system.  I was buying the prescription as well as some ibuprofen and apparently the computer didn't like the order in which she scanned the items.  It took two people multiple tries to complete the transaction. Meantime of course, since we are ready to go, the kids are up and starting to wander again (not their fault, I had told them, "that's us, come on.").  Finally, actually walking out of the store.
Now to try again to call and cancel the afternoon appointment.  This time after 4 minutes on the automated hold, a real person picks up!  and asks me to hold for a moment.  UGH!  She comes back on and I tell her that ALL I want to do is cancel an appointment.  So now we do the whole thing in reverse.  Name, date of birth, address, etc... and I'm just seething.  I didn't HAVE to waste 15+ minutes of my time and my phone minutes (yes, I'm still that old fashioned, I don't do cell phones so I have a pre-paid where minutes actually cost me) just to be polite and call and cancel this.  Grrr... I try to be nice and do the right thing and this is what I get.
 Now it's 11 am and we haven't even gotten to the library yet, all this time just to do the doctor and the pharmacy.  I just want to go home, but I can't.  I feel like I should stay in town handy in case they call from the doctor while mom's getting the chemo.  Also, the gas to drive over, drive home, then drive over again, and drive home again really adds up.  As we drive, I give the kids a good, long, lecture about being quiet when I say to be quiet and if they can't hear how loud they are then they just need to be silent!  

Great, Joey just comes out of the bathroom with blood dripping down his hand.
 The band-aid came off of his finger and a cut from Sunday busted open.  Now we all get to trek back out to the car so I can try and tape him up.  The good news is I have a supply of steri-strips out there from the last chemo day when Jessi split her knee open on a brick.  The bad news is there is nothing to cut it with so I have an entire 6 inch surgical strip taped up one side of his finger and back down the other side.

11:25 am and we finally cross through the lobby and into the actual book portion of the library.  20 whole minutes of quiet before it's time to leave to go meet a friend and deliver eggs, then go to lunch.

Time to leave already, step into the used bookstore room, the girls want these two books and Joey wants this one, but we only have a dollar.  Out to the van, give him .25 to go back in and get his book, we'll pick you up at the entrance once I have everyone else buckled.
Now back on the road, everyone buckled and all I hear is, "let me see the book, I'm the one who wanted it!"  "read it to me", "I can't see the pictures when you hold it like that."


So they all quiet down and I drive on, thinking, "I can't do this, I'm going nuts.  this schedule is nuts, life is nuts, all these appointments are nuts, trying to do school like this is not working. None of this is working, I can't do this!"
I break out of this mire of thoughts when I hear Jonny call me, with urgency in his voice, "Mommy!"  I turn slightly to see him, "God has chosen YOU!" he pronounces without hesitation, using a voice of authority.

Wow.  I know that this was one of his most recent memory verses from Rainbow class, but wow.
Um, Lord, is that you?  Are you trying to say something to me?

Now I don't want to get into the theology of whether or not God actually sent the cancer and the earaches and the cut finger and the 15 minutes on hold, but I do know that I belong to him and since these are my circumstances, they belong to him too.

God has chosen you.  I don't think that I am somehow special (in a good or bad way) and that because of this, God chose me to "handle" all the stuff that we are going through now. In fact, I grow weary of people telling me how they couldn't do it and they don't see how I do.  Um, honey, it's not a choice...I just do it. But really, if there was an option "b" and I missed it, please let me know!   Here is what I do think:  I think that God knows me, he knows my weaknesses, he knew the challenges, he knows how I "handle" things (and it isn't pretty much of the time) and yet, he chose me anyway.  Not that he chose me for these circumstances but that he chose me even though he knew that these circumstances were coming.  He chose me even though he knew I get stressed out, I holler at my kids because they were being kids and playing rock paper scissors too enthusiastically. He chose me even though I get frazzled and just want to turn in my resignation if only I could figure out who to submit it to.
God has chosen YOU.  Bad attitude, short tempered, nervous wreck, worry wart, controlling, nagging, ..whatever you think about yourself, whatever your fall-back reaction to bad circumstances is, he chose you anyway.  Chose to save you, love you, redeem you, use you.
That's the one that always amazes me.  How on earth could God, knowing what he knows about me, still choose to use me?  Takes my breath away.

"Mommy!  God has chosen YOU!"    

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