Rain

Spending the afternoon in the pool with the kids.. it feels like stolen time.

My instinct is to hurry, to keep an ear tuned, to need to go check. But my time is strangely free now. Open.
I can stay outside all day.
I feel... relieved? Guilty? Confused? Nostalgic?
I feel frustrated that I never had this much time to spend with her. The very acts of caring stole the most precious bits away-time to just be.

Now it is raining, a crazy sudden summer rain, drops the size of nickles.
The kids laugh uproariously; and because there is no lightning, I let us stay out in it.

The rain is somehow wetter than the pool. Huge drops making bubbles and patterns on the surface. Water streaming down my head, my face, having to squinch my eyes against it.

I hear my child say, as naturally as breathing, “Dear Jesus, please give Mom-mom a message. Tell her I can swim without my floaties now.”

It's raining harder now, and salty.